White Sands National Monument is stunning, surreal, and a photographer's dream! We had so much fun exploring there. The kids and Steven sledded down the hills while I wandered around shooting. We arrived in the evening (good thing because it was still 100 degrees at 7 pm) and stayed through sunset. Sunset over the white dunes was a sight to behold.

The light slowly changed over the course of our evening there and it was amazing to see how it changed the colors and look of everything.

Even the flats were beautiful

One of my favorite shots of Finnian

On the White Sands website, there's a section that talks about safety and people getting lost in the dunes. It didn't surprise me that two of the main stories they mentioned were of photographers getting lost looking for the perfect shot. I can definitely see that happening without the wandering photographer realizing how far in they had gone or from what direction they came.

The boys had the best time sledding!

It was dark and the boys were still begging for "just one more turn!". They were completely exhausted when we left (at nearly 10 pm). I did manage to pry them away from the dunes for a moment to actually watch the sunset.

and, although there are many others, I think these are my two favorite shots of the day...

Oh I love this image...my guys. These 3 guys are like the sun to my little life galaxy. Everything I do, even the things that seemingly have nothing to do with them, revolves around them.

As we poured our tired little guys into their hotel beds at the (very late) end of the day, I was reminded why we make this trip every year. I hope they remember these days and that their lives are richer for it. I know it is true for Steven and I. Hopefully, these pictures will help bring the memories back for them too.

Next stop, Tucson and Sedona!

(photo taken in Austin, Texas at the Mandola's restaurant playground using my iPhone and Instagram)

Our summer trip has officially begun. In fact, I'm typing this in the car heading down 1-10 towards Marfa, Tx. (don't be scared, Steven is driving). Thanks to a tech loan from my lovely friend, Monica, I am online while on the road!  Pretty cool, huh? It's called a Sprint MiFi and I now see that I need one of my own. I feel like a tech reviewer actually because I've got 2 other new toys that I'm playing with as well. I downloaded Instagram and am loving it! I'll be shooting with iPhone and posting there as we go. I also purchased a new point and shoot from Canon that is supposed to be dreamy. I am still pretty clumsy with it but I'm learning. So far it seems like the best p&s I've worked with but I'll tell you more as I experiment.

Lastnight we stopped in Austin and hung out with my brother and the kids played with their cousins. This morning we stopped in Fredericksburg at Rather Sweet for some treats before making the long haul to Marfa. The kids and dogs are doing fine so far. Of course there are the mini dramas of lost toys, bickering and restless dogs but overall it's good. Of course, Finn has already asked me 4 times when we're going to get to Marfa. I just keep saying 3 hours because I don't have the heart to tell him that it's really about 6.

The kids and I are doing a little photo project as we drive. I'll try and download and post our first couple of pictures tonight or tomorrow.

Wish us luck as we go!

Oh my goodness! WHO are these tiny boys? How were they so small that they fit into my sinks? I was going through pictures the other day (obviously the older ones) and found this set. It was a quick shot with a point and shoot back when Sayer was about 2 and a half and Finn looks to be about 6-8 months old.

I love these images. They are full of flaws for sure but they do what pictures do best, they captured this quick moment for me to discover again years later. They allow me to be briefly transported back in time to see my tiny boys again. They are perfect even with the bottle of Pepto, Sayer's red eye and the flash lighting (among other imperfections- no photo critiquing allowed please).

I look at these and remember how sweet Finn looked in those pj's and how Sayer always wore those little house shoes. I remember how much fun they had making faces at themselves. I wonder how crazy our house must have been with two boys so little. I get a little jolt thinking that, in November, We'll have another little one again.

What about you? Have you stumbled on any pictures like this lately, the ones that take you back?

Last weekend I went to my very first boy scout camp out. Steven promised me that I would not be the only girl there...you know where this is going, right? Yes, he lied. I was surrounded on all sides by boys and dads. Steven and I joke about how I set him up on "man dates". If one of my girlfriends has a cool spouse and I tell Steven about it and we wind up all going out somewhere, he will joke about me setting him up on a man date. So, this scouting weekend was kind of like a giant man date! It was boy heaven. All the little guys were running around with sticks and playing in the dirt. The big guys built tents, cooked food and made fires. The little guys obsessed about the fires, constantly asking what they could throw into the fire. I think I might have said "put your shoes back on" and "stop messing with the fire" at least 200 times.

Sayer had his BFF, Jack, there. They are so sweet with each other. They even walk holding hands sometimes. I just love that. This was my attempt to get a sweet picture of them together. At age 7, the only way to catch the natural smile is to get it while they don't know you're doing it. Otherwise, it looks like these...

We rented a teepee fully planning to all sleep in it. When we got there, it had dirt floors, moldy walls and a bunch of little holes everywhere. No thanks! The kids loved it though. It was like their own private fort. Luckily we brought tents too.

We ate well, the guys made a great dinner. Without knowing what was in store and envisioning a dinner of hot dogs, I had brought along some of my own provisions.

You will be proud to know that I left the laptop at home. OK, I did bring the iPad. Hey, you gotta have something to read right? I did sneak off a few times to draw in my sketch book, take pictures and read my Sookie Stackhouse book on my iPad. You know, there's only so much boy that one can take.

Ahhhh, so pretty...wait, what Sayer, what have you brought me?

yep, worms...of course it had to be worms! OK, let's get back to the pretty stuff.

Wait, you want more worms?

I know, that was mean (insert devilish giggle). I'll leave you with something pretty. This is my favorite nature shot from the weekend.

The kids had so much fun. On the way home, Finnian looked out the window with this wistful look and said, "I wish we never had to leave from the boy scout camp".

You'll have to excuse me today, I'm tender hearted. Today my youngest child (my baby) turned 6. My eyes are pricking up with tears as I type that. I've been tearing up all day at the slightest thing. Late last night I drove home from a speaking engagement in Dallas. I was planning to stay overnight but there was an ice storm coming in and, if I stayed, I would probably be stuck for days and miss his birthday completely. Maybe it was the late hour (I didn't get home until almost 4 am) or the melancholy songs on my iPod but I think I cried off and on for the last hour and a half of the drive.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy and proud too. I'm excited about the years in front of him but my heart aches at the thought that I just said goodbye to my five year old. I said goodbye to my oldest boy's 5 year old days a few years ago but the heartbreak was less because I still had my youngest behind him in age. But now, from the looks of things, I may never see 5 year old children in my house again.

My children have gifted me with the most incredible and intense love and acceptance that I have ever known. I love them in a way that I have never loved anyone. That has also been a gift. I had no idea how vulnerable I could really be. Right now they want to be held, sit on my lap and snuggle before bed. It is heaven. Their open fragility and blind love have changed me as a person and sometimes that change, that opening up of my heart, feels really scary.

Last night, with the icestorm at my back, driving home to them I felt like this moment in our lives was slipping away. I felt my babies slipping away.

Today, I want to stop this fast moving train. My heart simply can't handle the speed. I'm going to be repeating Kelly Rae's mantra to myself over and over...brave in sadness, brave in love.

So, if you see me today, I could probably use a hug. Feel free to give virtual ones too. It's only 2 pm and I still have to get through the birthday dinner tonight.