It has officially started...the teasing, cliques, clubs, and the awful beginnings of who's cool and who's not. Does it shock you you when I say it is happening to my 6 year old? I think I might be naive but it does shock me a little. Sure, I remember it. Worse yet, I remember doing it (sad to say). It wasn't easy going through it myself but it's a hell of a lot harder to watch someone that I love so deeply go through it.

It started this year when Sayer was refused entry to a club made up of some of his friends. The self-appointed leader had decided that Sayer was not allowed in the club because he "is annoying". He told me about it and his Dad and I gave the first blush response of "Well, why would you want to be a part of that club anyway?". I know...not hugely helpful because, of course, he wants to be in the club. His response was just that, "Well, all of my friends are in it". This has been going on for the better part of the school year in waves. It seems to get ugly and then get better. We try and find 6 year old friendly ways to explain why someone would exclude someone else and how to stand up to mean comments.

Fast forward to one day after school a few weeks ago...Sayer and I were leaving a school event and walking to the car. He sees this other boy in his class and yells out (in a friendly, upbeat voice too) "hey, [boy's name], you know you should try wearing perfume!" I was mortified! I interrupted him midway through perfume because I could see where it was going and I was hoping the little boy didn't hear it. God, I hope he didn't hear it. My stomach just caved in. Sayer was all confused by my interruption and I just told him not to say another word and I'd explain in a minute when we were further away. I called out something jovial to the boy and his Dad (hoping that he hadn't heard either) and walked on. When we got out of earshot, I tried to explain to Sayer that what he said was teasing and would have / might have really hurt the boy's feelings. He looked up at me, wide-eyed and uncomfortable and said, "but he does smell weird". I told him that I knew that he was not intentionally trying to be hurtful or mean but that a comment like that, regardless if it is true, is the kind of thing that would make someone feel really sad. He got really upset after that. 

Now, fast forward again to last weekend when we went to see the movie, Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I had not read the books but Sayer loves them and his Dad had read some of them to him. I didn't really know what I was getting myself in to. The movie was funny at times and, sadly, very honest about what middle school teasing can be like. It made me really uncomfortable. I hated the lead character. I squirmed in my seat for half the movie wishing that Sayer wasn't watching kids be so mean. I thought about leaving but that would not have gone over well and he has already read the books anyway.

After the movie we talked the whole way home about the characters and the message of the movie. We spent a lot of time talking about the main character and why he was such a bad friend in the movie. Eventually the conversation came around to the idea that a lot of the time the things that someone gets teased for are things that they can't change or control (and, frankly, shouldn't have to). This lead us back to the boy at school. Sayer starts to explain how he "smells weird" and, as we talk, it comes out that his Dad drives him to school and smokes in the car the whole way. So, did your heart just break a little? I know mine did when I heard it. This poor little boy is being left out and teased for something he has no control over whatsoever and may not even really understand. His parents probably have no idea that what they are doing is causing him to be teased. It makes me so sad to think about it.

And there it sits for me...it's just the beginning of years of struggle. I'm going to have to watch them get hurt, fumble, and be rejected. It makes me remember the things that were said to me that, to this day, echo around in my head. Does it have to be so hard? Do we have to be so mean to each other?

So, today, I am sending this out to you, me and my kids...you are enough, you are strong, you are loved. Pass it on...