I'm working very hard these days to keep my thoughts focused positively on what's right here in front of me while also looking ahead, dreaming and planning.  The key for me is trying to keep my thoughts balanced and clear of fear and doubt.  That critical voice in my head loves to rear its ugly head right when I'm faced with any sort of challenge.  Like anything, when we stand on the precipice of change, a new task or something challenging it's so easy for those negative voices to creep in.  The big thing though is most of the time we really don't know how it's all going to work out.  When we think of the future, we're sort of speculating.  So, why all the doubt and criticism?  We'll handle it and we'll probably do pretty well at it too.  At least, if we ease up and give ourselves a fair shot at it.

I remember when I was pregnant for the first time.  I voraciously read books on pregnancy, labor and delivery and parenting.  I had all my plans in place to labor gracefully and not freak out at some point in the hospital.  I would instill good sleep habits and even let my baby cry if I needed to.  He was not going to sleep in my bed either by the way.  Oh, and I was going to go right back to work teaching.

Fast forward 9 months...I did ok with the labor thing but on day two in the hospital Steven went out to The Right Start and bought a bassinet for our bedroom and Sayer was sleeping snuggled up next to me in my hospital bed.  I cried like a crazy lady when they brought him back in the room after his circumcision and he slept in the aforementioned bassinet until he was like 6 months old.  And no, I never went back to my teaching job.

All of the things I was so certain about fell into a million pieces when I actually saw Sayer for the first time.  How could I have known what I was going to do?

And now, 5 years later...He sleeps in his own bed (with occasional late night visits to ours) and he is an awesome snuggler.  I cried a little when he first went to kindergarten a few weeks ago and a few other times in between over these last 5 years. And because of the passion that he ignited in my heart 5 years ago, I have my own photography business.

You can't really know how it's all going to play out.  The best that you can do is believe in what you're doing and keep doing it.  There are beautiful things ahead for us all.

I love seeing long marriages and happy couples.  I took this picture when I was in Chile earlier this year.  This is Uwe (pronounced oo-vay) and Elisabeth.  They have been married for about 40+ years.  It's a sweet story too.  Uwe (at around 19 years old) came to Elisabeth's father's farm in Germany to study the business and art of dairy farming.  He left Germany with more than dairy farming expertise!  They now live in Chile and run a huge dairy operation there.  I mean HUGE.  I think Uwe has something like 8,000 acres in southern Chile.  It's a beautiful farm too.  They have wonderful children and grandchildren and they are all close.

Recently Uwe had a major heart surgery.  Everyone was very worried and things were touch and go but he is doing well and back at home.  Whew...

I love to think of Steven and I years from now...I hope that we will look like Uwe and Elisabeth.  I hope that we will be arm in arm, smiling, amazed at our journey and so grateful to still be together.  This is my prayer out to the universe on this Love Thursday.

I love you Steven.

One of my long standing dear friends (we've known each other since 9th grade!) came to visit us from Austria a while back.  This is their little baby, Khome.  He is the happiest, most even keeled little boy I've seen in a while.  He was a joy to be around even when he got really sick while he was here.  While they were in town I coaxed them into my studio for a little family session.

Khome is a miracle baby.  What I mean is that he was hard earned.  His amazing parents went though lots of infertility treatments heartaches trying to have him.  He was worth all the tears and the struggles.  He is lucky too.  He heart and body found its way to the most amazing people.  I love you guys.

We get to see Khome and family again this July in France.  The boys are excited to see him again.  They're going to be a little sad when they see that he is not "a big boy" yet.  Every time we mention him, they ask if he is a big boy yet.  They are ready for him to be running, chasing and playing Star Wars.  They aren't understanding why it is taking so long either.  Hurry up Khome 'cause we'll be seeing you in about 5 weeks!

Am I the only one who has a mini love affair with their kids feet? I know it sounds weird but I just love their little feet! What is amazing to me about the love affair is this...it isn't JUST the feet (though the feet do rank really, really high). I love the way he curls up his toes when he's watching a movie, the way his cowlick in the front of his bangs pops out, his hands, The way he sits crossed legged sometimes at dinner, his amazing face, the way he looks in his Spiderman pajamas...ah, the list goes on and on and I have a whole other list for Finnian! I just marvel at how much I can love a person. The way that I love my kids is a force that cannot be reckoned with. I even love them dirty, cranky, rude, in the middle of the night, when they fight...again, the list goes on. Granted, I may not like them a whole lot during the aforementioned moments but the love remains solid. It is the definition of unconditional. For me, this crazy love, is one of the best gifts of parenthood. That love makes me want to love myself that way too and extend it on to my husband. I mean, wouldn't that be an amazing thing? That is what I am working on. Happy Love Thursday everyone- go marvel at your amazing kids!

Here's a few more of Sayer! Man, don't you just love him too?! LOL!

This morning I had to go by the pharmacy early.  I was waiting in line and I noticed that the guy in front of me had these V-Day candy hearts, a silly bear, a card and one other little candy thing.  I couldn't help but think that CVS chocolate and a last minute card was kind of a crappy gift.  I was also thinking to myself, did he forget and his wife or girlfriend got mad at him this morning so now he's scrambling?  I looked behind me and the V-Day aisle looked like it had been ravaged.  Little bears holding hearts were strewn and mixed in with big red foil candy hearts and the like.  This week one jewelry company has been running an ad for "the perfect gift".  It's a candy filled box with some sort of diamond trinket inside.  It says something like, "what could be better? diamonds AND chocolate, all for only $99".  It goes on to say that you'll be "her hero".  Maybe it's just me but the candy heart with the diamond thing for $99 is just not what I'm hoping for.  I am not a high maintenance V-Day person.  I like a hug, maybe a cool card (Steven always writes sweet things) or some little sweet present.  Presents are not required though.  All I care about is that we just give each other some love that day.  Steven is great at these kinds of things.  His presents are great and his letters are even better.  I never want the "diamond and chocolate box" gift- it just stings with obligation.  My wish for you all today is that you get awesome sweet nothings whispered in your ears or written on a note.  I hope you get a phone call with a love wish.  Maybe you'll even get some nice flowers or get to go on a date?  My gift to you is to share some cool blogs from others and some cutey pics of mine.  Enjoy!

Love Thursday is a cool blog thing started (I think) by The Shutter Sisters.  Now every week on Thursday, various bloggers post pictures and stories all about love.  With it being Valentines Day, I thought what better day to start?  If you've been reading, you will know that my youngest son just turned 3.  So, my head is in the past thinking all about his 3 years and how much he's grown.  So, today I was looking at pictures that I took a little less than a year ago just to see exactly how much he's changed.  I found these images from a quickie session I did here at the studio one day when they were just hanging around.  These are my loves for sure.  They are responsible for making me into a whole person, which is a huge job that they managed to do really quickly.  Before them I was roaming, meandering, always searching.  Now I am still searching and evolving but the stage that I have to work on is much bigger and so much more lit up and important.  We can't forget Steven either.  He is like our foundation.  He makes me feel safe and loved and I can't imagine my life without him.  There is no way that I could do all of the cool things that I am doing if it weren't for him.  His patience, acceptance and presence helps me be stronger.  It was chance that we met (or maybe it wasn't?).  Sometimes  I make myself crazy thinking, "what if I hadn't gone that night?" or "what if he had never called me back?".  Thankfully I did go and he did call back and now we're here, thanks universe!

Happy Valentines Day to everyone!   Here are some other blogs to enjoy:

Brene

Shutter Sisters