Yesterday was a normal blur of activity- wake up, work, home, kids, homework battles, dinner, baths and bed. I was a solo parent on duty for the evening so it was non-stop. 6 am start and going full bore straight through to the end...you guys know how those days go.
It was just before 11 pm (a bit late for us) when the youngest boy sank into sleep. I could feel it as it happened because he was holding my hand. I was on my side spooned up against my oldest who was fast asleep with his head resting on my left arm. My right arm was extended across to the younger boy and he was holding my right hand softly in between his two hands. The baby was a room away asleep neatly tucked into her crib.
I sighed out the day, which was finally done. I thought about how tired I was and what was in store for the next day. It was the kind of scarcity thinking where I go to bed saying to myself that I have to wake up early and I'll never get enough sleep. Then, suddenly, it all changed.
The oldest moved around and mumbled in his sleep and it distracted me for a second. In that moment, I felt the warmth and closeness of their bodies. I felt my youngest child's fingers still holding mine. A thought flashed across my mind. Somewhere tonight, there is a mom who isn't as lucky as I am in this moment. Out there in the night is a mom who has no idea where her kid's next meal is coming from or how she's going to pay the rent. She can't fall asleep because she's trying to figure out what to do. Someone out there is laying alone after having lost their child- feeling caved in and empty in a way I can't possibly understand. In the wee hours of this night, someone is desperate.
And just like that, in a quick flip of the coin, I felt so unbelievably grateful. I was holding close the people who matter the most to me in the world and they are safe. They are fed, clean, healthy, educated, accepted, nurtured, comfortable, warm and loved.
I fell asleep sending prayers out to the universe, sending peace to the hearts of the moms who may not be holding theirs so close. I sent my love and compassion to those who might be afraid. Suddenly, the sleep we had ahead of us became "enough", along with everything else.