I was talking on the phone to a friend of mine the other day and trying to find words to express how I've been feeling lately. I threw out words like tender, nervous, happy, present...to which she replied (something like), I think you are right in the middle of the big unraveling. It's a good word for right now. My heart does feel a little like a ball of yarn that just rolled out of someone's lap. All it needed was one little push or moment of imbalance and, before you know it, it's all the way across the room. Try as I might, I don't think it'll ever get rolled up quite as neat as it was before. To be honest, I hope it doesn't.
What's amazing about this unraveling, though, is that in a strange way, everything feels more together. All the change that I have initiated in the last few weeks seems to be okay. The pieces are falling back in place in amazing new ways. Connections that weren't there before are appearing. I'm feeling really hopeful.
I would never say that I believe in fate. I can say that when I look back at certain moments that, at the time, seemed like disasters or failures it now makes sense why they didn't work out. It's almost feels like there is a plan in it all. So, with that in mind, I am forging ahead. I think that very good things are in front of me. I think it took pushing myself out of my comfort zone a little to get the wheels in motion.
My next big leap...applying for a gallery show at Lawndale. At this moment I can't bring myself to start writing the proposal but it's due on March 15th so I don't have too much time to procrastinate. So here goes another...
jump. free fall. unravel. come together.