So excited that I could go crawl under a rock. Can you relate? Have you ever felt so completely sure and so unsure all at once? I know, in my rational mind, that what I am doing is the right thing but the impending change is scary.
In about 10 days, I am moving my studio. I haven't packed a thing and I don't even have empty boxes to fill. I might be in denial. I did, however, take my newly signed lease over to my new landlord today. They will be starting on my build out in the next day or so. They will be opening up the left wall into the space next door to create my completed space, putting in a dressing room and a dividing wall. My mind is in a near panic wondering if my build out plans are well conceived and if I'll be able to make the space my own. This afternoon I sat alone in my empty space trying to imagine my things there.
Instead of reveling in the possibilities of it all, I found myself obsessing about the small imperfections. I kept imagining my clients not liking my new space, my stuff not fitting and a host of other fears. Underneath it all, I know there is joy and excitement. It's like the sound my kids make, loudly whispering to each other at bedtime thinking we can't hear them - tiny breathy murmurs.
The hopeful and excited part of me is looking out the door into a building filled with creatives. Will I really find the community I am looking for? Will I be accepted? Is this the beginning of something really special? Then, in a flash, my nervous mind flips over to..."will my couch fit in the door?". To be honest, it's way easier to obsess about my couch fitting in the door than it is to wonder if I am making the right decision.
Perhaps it's a good luck sign, or maybe just a message from one construction worker to another but I did find this on my wall.