There are no words, just the sound of my heart melting. Thank you universe.

"Wake Up! For today is your Day of all Days!" (Dr. Seuss)

It's been a while since I wrote something for Love Thursday but today is special. Today is Sayer's 9th birthday. How did 9 years go by so fast? How is my very first baby standing so tall and grown up? When our baby, Einin, was just a newborn someone said to me, "the days and nights are eternal but the months will fly by". It's so heartbreakingly true. Don't get me wrong, I want them to grow and change and do all of the things that they are meant to do but, every so often, it just feels too fast. Sometimes, I wish I could yell out "FREEZE!" and just take a breath, get my bearings and maybe even clean up the living room while I'm at it.

This day is special for Sayer, of course. He's nine for crying out loud...I mean, that's almost TEN! I remember when I was younger and how desperately I wanted to be older and how the years seem to eek by so slowly. When they were smaller, I would always ask them questions on the morning of their birthday, "Are you taller today?", "Can you run even faster now?" and so on. They would beam and say yes to them all. Overnight they always became faster, taller, wiser...

Lastnight, cuddled in bed with Sayer, I read him Dr. Seuss' Happy Birthday to You. It was magical. You could tell that he was excited and proud about getting older. The story is perfect. It's sweet and full of joy, imagination and optimism. It echoed so much of what I was feeling for Sayer as I read.

If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.
If you'd never been born, well then what would you do?
If you'd never been born, well then what would you be?
You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.
Or worse than all that...Why, you might be a WASN'T!
A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present.
But you...you are YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!

So we'll go to the top of the toppest blue space,
The Official Katroo Birthday Sounding-Off Place!
Come on! Open your mouth and sound off at the sky!
Shout loud at the top of your voice, "I AM I!
ME!
I am I!
And I may not know why
But I know that I like it.
Three cheers! I AM I!"

He is he, that is for sure, and he is wonderful. He is deep, soulful, smart and sensitive. He sees things. He asks hard questions and comes up with really insightful theories. I'm so grateful for him. He is my first and he is the one who first changed me into a MOM. He is one of the very best things that has ever happened to me.

Today you are you! That is truer than true!
There is no one alive who is you-er than you!
Shout loud, "I am lucky to be what I am!
Thank goodness I'm not just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That's a great thing to be!
If I say so myself, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"

Happy birthday to you, my sweet Sayer. I am so very glad that you are YOU and that you are HERE.

At the beginning of this year, I made myself a promise. It was time to stop compartmentalizing all of the various pieces of me and my work and to try and bring in all together into one integrated self. It was also time to put my personal artwork out into the world and not just keep it for myself.

This has been hard to do and there are still a few pieces I can't seem to jigsaw together (yet). It's coming though and I'm hopeful, inspired and excited. I did submit work to galleries and faced rejection. It hurt and I'm guessing rejection always will to some degree. I've made some big moves too. I relocated my studio and joined forces with an artist friend of mine in another studio venture. Change and integration are coming, slowly but surely.

This new collage that I have made is a HUGE step toward my integrated self and I am so proud of it that I can hardly stand it! It all started here, with this image. That image became this collage, which inspired this one of my sweetie pea, Einin. The first image is of me when I was pregant with her and this is her bright and shining face at 2 months old.

When the framer came by to drop it off today, I was giddy. This is absolutely the beginning of something new- a new direction for my work and I'm ecstatic about it.

"I love you to the moon -and back again"

I put all of my love for Einin into this collage and I can feel it vibrating back at me when I look at this.

The birds are significant. Her name means little bird in Gaelic.

so true, so very true!

I can't wait to start on the next one! Thanks for following along with me on this journey. Your comments and feedback are so inspiring.

It's becoming clearer...it's as if, with each little step, one more tiny cloud dissipates and my work becomes more ME.

I have been chasing this idea of integration for a year or more now. I wanted to stop compartmentalizing all of the different things that I do and try to blend them together into one. While everything may not truly become one thing, I do want the various parts to inspire each other and make what I do more cohesive and unique.

This piece was step one. I promised that when I had it completed, I would come back and show it off. Thanks for reading and following along with me. Your comments always make me so happy and inspire me to keep up with my chase.

the top left:

The top right:

I also made a companion piece to this one. It's a portrait of Einin done in the same style. I'll post that here as soon as I get it back from the framer. I'm not usually one to pat myself on the back but, I have to say, I love this piece and am so excited to share it with you.

What's next? I want to bring this work into my studio and offer to my clients. What do you think?

I have been having so much fun at my studio these past few weeks. Photography is just plain cool. I mean, I'm sure there are other amazing jobs out there but I really do think photography might be the best one. Now, take something as amazing as babies and mix it with photography, well that just makes it more awesome.

I've been playing with new props, testing out some new lights and doing some no charge model shoots. I rearranged my studio, updated my website with new images and started a new blog for my cell phone pictures. It's all food for the artist's soul.

The universe is paying me back for it too. I had a prospective client call today and ask me "what is your shooting philosophy?" (which, by the way, is much better than "how much is your CD?"). I loved it and I happily answered. Last week, a client came to look at their images and picked all of my favorites.

I watched two amazing documentaries a few months back and have been so inspired by them (both are available on Netflix instant, by the way) that tomorrow I am taking the day off to start a new garden. Last night, I finished painting my new beehive and I'm taking my beginning beekeeping class later this month.

It's very easy to starve as an artist. All you have to do is make art that you think everyone else will love, allow everyone else to price and value it as they please and then compare what you're doing to everyone else.

I keep thinking about people like the owner at Poverty Lane Orchards and how he talks about his love and obsession with apple trees. I'm in awe of the people in this documentary who are all absolutely, 100% in love with what they do. I'm inspired by my friend, Brene, and what she just did. I am focusing on this and doing my very best not to starve.

So, if you are an artist, I hope you are feeding yourself. Do you know and love an artist? Work with artists? I hope you are feeding them too.